/ By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
/ Till human voices wake us, and we drown.
Finished my last logic question in 45 minutes. This does not bode well.
My best friend’s boyfriend has had a cancerous testicle removed. He might need radiotherapy or chemotherapy and he might be infertile. It’s really shit. She talks about it a lot, which is helpful for her and healthy and if I was in any other situation I’d be quite happy for her to talk to me about it all the time.
Unfortunately I am not in a different situation. For the past few weeks, my dad has been undergoing cancer treatment, and, obviously, I’m upset about it. I am not sensible about sadness, though, so I am keeping it all bottled up and occasionally crying on my own about it or making weird, humorous anecdotes about it or writing about it on Twitter or getting drunk and telling people about it. Dealing with feelings is not my thing.
I don’t want to hear the word cancer. I want to pretend cancer doesn’t exist. I don’t want to tell her to never speak about it, though, because she needs to. But I need the opposite. I have no idea what to do, so I’ll just force myself to not give in to the urge to run out of a room every time the c-word arises. I think she kind of forgets, which is understandable. Sometimes she tries to minimize or ignoring how I feel and my issue (“Oh, well, at least it’s not like my boyfriend, at least your dad x/y/z”, or, “It would be awful for my boyfriend to have chemo, I’d hate to watch someone I love go through that, [extensive description of horrific symptoms]”), which is not.
It’s just an awkward situation, really. I have no idea what to do.
P.S. To everyone who said really nice supportive things last time: I love you. It really helped.